


Respect

by Jemisard



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemisard/pseuds/Jemisard
Summary: On the road and on the run, Farah reflects that she might have not given Todd his due.Reflective thoughts piece.





	Respect

Farah sat on the edge of the bed, hands over her mouth and breathing through her nose.

Todd was asleep on the bed, curled on his side. Farah had cleaned up the scrapes on his forehead and hands while he recovered from the collapse and then bullied him into the bed.

She was gaining a new respect for Todd. She liked him, but she wasn't sure that she had ever really respected him before, not like she did right now. Not like this moment, sitting here in a sort of crappy hotel, aware of his heavy breaths behind her.

It was the fourteenth attack she'd witnessed. She didn't know what it was Todd had experienced; the first she'd known of it was when he went down on the gravel, first to hands and knees, then falling to graze his face as he tried to kick away from his hallucination. She had caught him before he did any more harm to himself, restraining him with her arms and legs until he stopped screaming and fighting and the medication kicked in, pulling him back to reality.

The dose hadn't been right. They were still experimenting with what would work best and in her panic, Farah had given him four tablets. Usually they tried three for an attack, but with how violently Todd had fought her, four seemed a better call.

It had worked, but he was pretty zonked out.

And Farah...

Farah felt no more equipped to deal with this attack than any other she'd witnessed. It didn't get easier, it didn't get smoother. The expectation and knowledge almost made it worse, realising what could happen. Would happen.

And Todd had done this with Amanda for years. Literally years of attacks, of expensive medications and crushing helplessness to do anything but be there and hope.

Todd moaned softly, hand twitching. 

Farah turned to hold Todd's hand, brushing her fingers over his forehead. "It's okay, you're in bed in a hotel room. It's eight in the evening."

She didn't know if could hear her, or understand her if he could hear. But she always told him where he was and when it was if he seemed to be stirring.

Todd twitched and groaned and curled up a bit more before settling again.

Not this time, then. With the dose she gave him, he'd probably be out for most of the night. Hopefully.

She just needed a few hours of not worrying before she got some sleep. Time to relax, shower, and not be waiting for the next scream.

She hoped they found Dirk soon, because she couldn't keep doing this alone. She didn't want to keep doing this alone. 

She didn't know how Todd had done it alone with Amanda.

And for that alone, she could confidently say she really, really admired Todd Brotzman, whatever else he had done.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a book. You should read it, it's pretty good.
> 
> The Unknowing, by SJ Matthews.


End file.
